The Best of the Year

by | Jan 15, 2014 | Columns

Hi, Kids. It’s been a while. I’m glad you’re here, for it is time again for my annual list of my Top 3 Horror Novels of the year.

Okay, it’s my first annual list of my Top 3 Horror Novels of the year. But it could become an yearly thing, if the Goddess of Horror World doesn’t can me.

Wagering has been taking place for weeks (on which books will be selected, not on whether or not I get fired. At least I don’t think so) and authors have spent sleepless nights wondering if they will make the cut. It’s been a nail-biting thrill ride of unparalleled suspense. The votes from the board members have been tabulated. The gift bags are waiting on the presenters. Now it all comes down to this, the big reveal, the pulling back of the curtain, the ripping open of the envelopes.

Ready? Then cue the orchestra.

Ah, nice overture. Okay, our first category is Third Best Horror Novel of the Year. Since we have no cameras with which to show you the forced smiles of the losers, we won’t mention the other contenders for the first award.

And the winner is…Savage Species by Jonathan Janz.

Since his debut novel, The Sorrows, I’ve followed Janz’s career with growing interest. His talent has grown over the course of each book. With Savage Species, we have Janz’s best novel to date. This time out, Janz seems to be channeling horror master Richard Laymon, both in Laymon’s penchant for creating monsters that exist just beyond the borders of our safe suburban lives and in the confident way Laymon frequently layered in a good dose of humor.  Janz’s characters are fully realized in a way that the population of most horror novels are not, and by establishing their personalities, complete with flaws, Janz allows us to know them and to care for them. Thus, when bad things happen, we are fully invested in the fate of his characters.

Of all the up-and-coming horror writers out there, Jonathan Janz is the one to keep an eye on.

Now while I find my next envelope,  sit back and enjoy this entertaining musical number by Rob Lowe and Snow White.

Whoa. What a number. Excuse me a second. Hey, somebody take away Lowe’s gift bag! Okay, where were we? Oh, yes. It’s time for Second Best Horror Novel of the Year. Could we have a drumroll, please? Huh? The drummer is in Rob Lowe’s dressing room? With Snow White? And a video camera? Call the cops and get ready for our next winner.

The winner of Second Best Horror Novel of the Year is…The Influence by Bentley Little.

I don’t know why Little’s latest is published by Cemetery Dance instead of Signet and I don’t really care. The important thing is that Little is here with a new novel. He’s horror’s Mr. Dependable, like that pickup truck your grandpa drove for decades. Little is writer you can count on. The very least of his novels never fall below a certain level of his craft. And his best? Well, his best reveal a writer who has, as a friend of mine likes to say, some messed up shit going on in his head. For my money, The Influence is closer to Little’s best. It’s a solid story of one man’s financial difficulty and his move to a small town. After a New Year’s Eve party, the plot goes topsy-turvy. The luck of the party goers is changing. The rich suddenly find misfortune while the less well-to-do are living large. The reason for the change–and some rather odd creatures–make The Influence one of Little’s stranger novels (but let’s be clear: the level of strangeness in a Bentley Little novel cannot approach the freaky-deaky happenings in some of the man’s short stories; Little appears to use his short stories to regularly flush the crazy out of his head). Let us hope that no matter who publishes him, we can always have a new Bentley Little novel every Autumn.

And now, before we announce this year’s Best Horror Novel, here’s a long and ultimately pointless comedy sketch by Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig, which was apparently written backstage about two minutes ago.

Zzzzzz. Huh? No, Mom, my hands weren’t down my–Hey! We’re back, and just in time to name this years Best Horror Novel. Since we’re running late, I’ll just rip open this little envelope and tell you the winner is…Joyland by Stephen King.

Yep. That little Stephen King book that wasn’t available for your fancy e-book reader. And, sure, I know King had another novel this year, one that was more highly anticipated (and more heavily promoted). But anyone who read my review a few months ago in this very spot will know that I love this book.

Joyland is everything people who slam King says he doesn’t do anymore: A coming-of-age story, small town full of quirky characters, taking the mundane details of everyday life and using them to create characters that are as rounded and complete as people we actually know, scaring us and breaking our hearts and leaving us with hope. And he does all of it in fewer than 300 pages. It’s a triumph and one that has probably been overshadowed by Doctor Sleep (I loved Doctor Sleep, by the way. Just a little less than Joyland; if I had more space on the list Doctor Sleep would be #4 and #5 would be NOS4A2 by Joe Hill).

That’s it. If I hold on to this gig I’ll have another list in about 12 months. Goodnight, and your local news is next.