OCTOBER STORIES 2011

Craig Cook · **Joined:** Fri Mar 14, 2008 4:25 pm **Posts:** 5340

TMLCrow wrote:

Hellolost wrote:

A this could happen...

It actually did. That's where I got the idea.

Hey, me too! Well, not where you got your idea, but a "this actually did happen". Sort of. :lol

dennislatham · **Joined:** Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:49 pm **Posts:** 196

Thanks for the tip on the 357 SIG. I never knew it existed. It is based on the 40 cal and the 357 magnum. Appreciate the correction.

Rob Dunbar · **Posted:** Mon Oct 10, 2011 9:04 am

Great comments. I'm really enjoying this discussion.

For myself, I especially enjoyed how THE DEAL never really shows you what's in there. Much scarier that way. I'm such a sucker for that sort of thing.

Jazminsdaddy · **Posted:** Tue Oct 11, 2011 3:57 pm

So,

Across the Street - Thad
The Deal - Janet (I think she basically admitted that she wrote it)
My Sister / The Beach - Me

No one else has revealed what they wrote.

dennislatham · **Joined:** Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:49 pm **Posts:** 196

I wrote Walker.
It was a true story. The characters all existed and they all died the way they died in the story. The Shawnee Jim part was fiction. I think the walker bothered us so much because we were faced with something beyond our understanding and we felt at its mercy. Something we couldn't see had crossed over into our world, and for whatever reason, we were just beyond its reach while it stalked us. If we had climbed down that tree during the night none of us believed we would have survived. It was enough to keep us out of those woods at night from then on.

Rob Dunbar · **Posted:** Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:31 pm

Re: Gamorrah Falls

Anybody else think the 'crow jars' were an intriguing invention?

(Why don't I ever get invited to "rowdy, beer-fueled, hormonally-supercharged parties" anymore?)

Jazminsdaddy · **Posted:** Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:34 pm

Across the Street - Thad
The Deal - Janet (I think she basically admitted that she wrote it)
My Sister / The Beach - Me
Walker - Dennis Latham

JJHolden · **Joined:** Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:25 am **Posts:** 1289

Guilty as charged.

Craig Cook · **Joined:** Fri Mar 14, 2008 4:25 pm **Posts:** 5340

Jazminsdaddy wrote:

Across the Street - Thad
The Deal - Janet (I think she basically admitted that she wrote it)
My Sister / The Beach - Me
Walker - Dennis Latham

Well, you've repeatedly stated that I wrote El Maestro.

Grymmscape · **Posted:** Thu Oct 13, 2011 5:10 pm

Well, it's been a few days now, so I feel safe in "coming out" (as it were)... I wrote "Gamorrah Falls" and, no, it wasn't based on anything I'd ever experienced. Completely fiction, except for the term 'Nihasa' for the mythical Native American devils.

It was a fun exercise and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was highly entertaining and more than a little intimidating to read the other stories: you guys and gals are GOOD. Really good. Nothing anyone submitted read like an exercise -- this was a quality anthology.

And, in response to a few suppositions, you're right -- I'm really NOT any kind of a short story writer. A short story from me is usually in the 8000 - 14,000 word range, so trying to put what I did in Gamorrah Falls was a real challenge and a bit frustrating since my instincts were for it to "flesh itself out" inside another 10,000 words ... minimum.

Thanks to you all for your kind words and suggestions!

Jazminsdaddy · **Posted:** Thu Oct 13, 2011 7:13 pm

Across the Street - Thad
The Deal - Janet
My Sister / The Beach - Me
Walker - Dennis
El Maestro - Craig
Gamorrah Falls - Joseph

TMLCrow · **Posted:** Thu Oct 13, 2011 7:37 pm

dennislatham wrote:

I wrote Walker.
It was a true story. The characters all existed and they all died the way they died in the story. The Shawnee Jim part was fiction. I think the walker bothered us so much because we were faced with something beyond our understanding and we felt at its mercy. Something we couldn't see had crossed over into our world, and for whatever reason, we were just beyond its reach while it stalked us. If we had climbed down that tree during the night none of us believed we would have survived. It was enough to keep us out of those woods at night from then on.

After reading some of the things you wrote about the inspiration behind The Bad Season, I shouldn't be surprised about any of this. Cool story.

Rob Dunbar wrote:

Why don't I ever get invited to "rowdy, beer-fueled, hormonally-supercharged parties" anymore?

I never did to begin with.

Craig Cook · **Joined:** Fri Mar 14, 2008 4:25 pm **Posts:** 5340

Jazminsdaddy wrote:

Across the Street - Thad
The Deal - Janet
My Sister / The Beach - Me
Walker - Dennis
El Maestro - Craig
Gamorrah Falls - Joseph

Excerpt... - Adam
Burning Rain - Tony

JJHolden · **Joined:** Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:25 am **Posts:** 1289

Not sure if I said this before but I want to thank everybody, from our moderator right through to our readers. Amazing stories, good critique that went way beyond 'This sux/is cool'. Rob at the helm and an excellent mix of writers. Can't ask for anything better. This has been a wicked experience for me.

You guys rock.

ttzuma · **Joined:** Wed Feb 14, 2007 10:15 pm **Posts:** 12703

JJHolden wrote:

Not sure if I said this before but I want to thank everybody, from our moderator right through to our readers. Amazing stories, good critique that went way beyond 'This sux/is cool'. Rob at the helm and an excellent mix of writers. Can't ask for anything better. This has been a wicked experience for me.

You guys rock.

dennislatham · **Joined:** Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:49 pm **Posts:** 196

I also appreciate the comments and I really enjoyed all the stories. It was a pleasant surprise to see all the bizarre minds at work.

My wife asked me last night, as we watched The Walking Dead, why zombies are so popular. I didn't really have an answer. My nine year old grand-daughter has become a zombie freak under my reign. Last year on Halloween she was a zombie butterfly and this year she will be a zombie prom queen. I didn't have an answer for my wife except to say maybe it's our way of having control over life and death; the dead can come back and we have the power to kill them again.

I think horror stories here do the same thing. They give us power over our nightmares.

ttzuma · **Joined:** Wed Feb 14, 2007 10:15 pm **Posts:** 12703

I always looked at the whole zombie thing as sins coming back to bite us. I've always noticed that even the sweetest people, and the most innocent, come back as zombies to take a chunk outta us. If you believe in zombies or accept the concept anyway (even if it's just a fictional trope) then you believe in the supernatural, thus God. Would God let little babies come back as an evil creature? If so, there must be a reason.

TMLCrow · **Posted:** Mon Oct 17, 2011 8:58 pm

ttzuma wrote:

then you believe in the supernatural, thus God.

As much as I would like to talk about this, I don't want to use this thread. I will, however, disagree with that notion as I know and have known people who believe in God and angels and whatnot, but not ghosts or the supernatural. Which I never really got.

I do want to say thanks again to everyone who participated and/or commented. This was a fun exercise. Thanks to Tony for picking an excellent moderator and many thanks to the Great Dunbar for going above and beyond with this, the least of which was a kickass theme.

JJHolden · **Joined:** Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:25 am **Posts:** 1289

Yes. Tony gets double kudos for getting us all organized.

ttzuma · **Joined:** Wed Feb 14, 2007 10:15 pm **Posts:** 12703

Quote:

As much as I would like to talk about this, I don't want to use this thread. I will, however, disagree with that notion as I know and have known people who believe in God and angels and whatnot, but not ghosts or the supernatural. Which I never really got.

This may seem self serving, but when I use the word supernatural I am referring to anything that is mystical, spiritual, and not natural (of this earth), so I include God in that definition. And I looked it up in the dictionary and it confirms my definition. People can believe in God and ghosts but not believe in werewolves to use an example.

Quote:

Thanks to Tony for picking an excellent moderator and many thanks to the Great Dunbar for going above and beyond with this, the least of which was a kickass theme.

Quote:

Yes. Tony gets double kudos for getting us all organized.

Thanks guys, organizing was easy, it was the moderator who did all the excellent work. And Thad, I think you had the same feelings for who should be the moderator at the same time I did. And Janet, how do you double a kudo?

JJHolden · **Joined:** Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:25 am **Posts:** 1289

ttzuma wrote:

And Janet, how do you double a kudo?

Well, we open the box, you get two, and we give the rest to Rob.

ttzuma · **Joined:** Wed Feb 14, 2007 10:15 pm **Posts:** 12703

horrordude · **Posted:** Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:22 am

Hey, it's still October, so I'm not late in commenting:

(It's been a chaotic month!

)

The Deal: Excellent story. The descriptions and atmosphere conjured some creepy images in my mind. I liked it a lot. Short and powerful; a good combination for any story. The author should maybe rewrite it a couple times and then submit it to an anthology somewhere.

horrordude · **Posted:** Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:42 am

Gammorah Falls: I liked this one a lot too. The weirdness of the crow jars made me think of Steve Vernon; it sounded like something he would have come up with. I think with some editing, this could be another one that could wind up in an anthology one day. Good job to the author.

horrordude · **Posted:** Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:56 am

Walker: Man, this story took me right back to when Halloween was Halloween. It made me think of times as a kid, when I'd be walking up a dark driveway to knock on a door, and someone would jump out of the bushes with a whacked out mask on and wind up scaring the shit out of me.

I wouldn't really change too much at all on this one. It would be a perfect story for a collection of campfire-like Halloween tales. Whoever the author was, excellent job.

JJHolden · **Joined:** Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:25 am **Posts:** 1289

Thanks for reading these, 'Dude!

Looking forward to the rest of your review.

horrordude · **Posted:** Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:44 pm

Excerpt: This one reminded me of those prologue-type intros in italics, that H.P. Lovecraft had in a lot of his stories. I liked the whole idea of the story, and think with some polishing it could become really good. I rate it another good story, though.

HugeHorrorFan · **Posted:** Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:39 pm

I finally got around to reading the first four stories on here, which are really good as usual. I am trying to be as honest as possible, so I want to apologize if I hurt anyone’s feeling in advance. It is just my opinion and I am basing it my likes\dislikes and experiences alone.

I also want to point out that I did not read ahead in this thread because if it is anything like the past, some stories do not remain anonymous. I read these stories still with this surprise element intact.

The Deal

I love the use of language within this story and its potential is immense. It would serve as an awesome introduction to a bigger work. To be constructive, the story needed to deliver more for a short work. I like that the beginning sucked me right into the thick of things. I was ready to bite the bait as it led me along, but then Joey left the room. I felt cheated, but I don’t think everyone will feel this way. The author decided to go with the emotional angst, where I would have preferred the POV to remain in the room where the action was taking place. I like my horror extreme, as you can probably tell. I think word count was the killer for me on this one.

The thing that amazed me the most in this story was how seamless the change of POV occurred. Starts with Evan, dialogue and you before you know it, you are walking out with Joey with no impact to the flow of the story. That’s a gift.

Gamorrah Falls

I thought that this story fit the topic of this exercise in spades. Well written. It needed more dialogue and the flashback felt long for a short-story. When I was pulled back into real time, I felt like I was attached to a maximumly-stretch out elastic that had been let go. I feel for this author because I have the same problem. The rest near perfect.

Walker

This story also fit the topic in spades. Awesome dialogue interaction transporting the reader into the story with ease. I was hoping for blood, but that is just my personal preference. Try to avoid repetition with things words like “but”. Reword the sentence or cut it down to two sharp and direct sentences while still conveying the same message:

“The tree house would be easy to spot if you knew where to look, but no one knew but our gang.”

Something like,

“The tree house would be easy to spot if you knew where to look but only members of the gang knew of its location.”

Across The Street

I like this story quite a bit. It had an excellent hook in the beginning that kept me engaged for the rest of the story. I thought this story was going supernatural, but it took an unexpected turn towards realism a la Braunbeck or Dallas. Good stuff. The fast forward in time worked well. The story did not come out bloated at all, while still consistently moving forward.

JJHolden · **Joined:** Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:25 am **Posts:** 1289

Jazminsdaddy · **Posted:** Tue Nov 08, 2011 5:11 pm

It kinda sucks when your story has been posted in the bottom half.

OCTOBER STORIES 2011

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