[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4668: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4670: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4671: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4672: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) Horror World • View topic - The Final Showdown!!!
Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2004 5:55 pm Posts: 462 Location: Tampa, Florida
JEFF: This is the moment of truth! If I hurry, I can catch Tiberius and save Gleefully Macabre Tales once and for all!
[His cell phone rings.]
JEFF: Hugo's Post-Homicide Clean-Up. You pop 'em, we mop 'em.
SHANE: Hey, Jeff, it's Shane Ryan Staley of Delirium Books. Know how you were having all those problems with Mumblecrust and stuff? Well, I was cleaning out my car, and I found an extra copy of Gleefully Macabre Tales wedged under the back seat. So we're good to go.
JEFF: Really? That's cool. And yet oddly anticlimactic.
SHANE: Eh, I think the whole Mumblecrust thing has run its course. Your blog readers will be happy that it's all over.
JEFF: Yeah, I guess so. Thanks for the update.
SHANE: No prob. Later gator!
[Jeff hangs up.]
JEFF: Hmmm. All's well that ends well, I guess.
[The phone rings again.]
SHANE: Jeff? Shane again. I forgot to tell you--that Tiberius guy called a couple of minutes ago, something about a mini-nuke that's going to wipe out the city. He was kind of vague, but I think you have exactly twenty-four hours.
JEFF: Thank you.
[Jeff hangs up.]
JEFF: So, Mumblecrust has gotten in one last act of evil. Though Gleefully Macabe Tales has been saved, the city has not! I must stop Tiberius in twenty-four hours!
24:00...
[The phone rings again.]
SHANE: Jeff? Shane. I meant twenty-four minutes.
00:24...
JEFF: I can still stop him! I must find a vehicle. This Volkswagen here has the keys in the ignition, but it's not exactly a "save the city" kind of car, is it? I've got time to look around for something better.
00:07...
JEFF: Okay, I'll take the Volkswagen.
[He leaps into the Volkswagen, starts the engine, and speeds off after Tiberius.]
TIBERIUS: Man, the red lights in this city take freakin' forever.
[He sees Jeff in the rear-view mirror.]
TIBERIUS: Fudge!
[He speeds through the red light, with Jeff in hot pursuit.]
00:06...
JEFF: Oh my God! He's headed right for those kittens!!!
TIBERIUS: Hahahahaha! I'm headed right for those kittens!!!
[He smashes into the kittens. Tiberius is thrown through the front windshield and bashes against a brick wall.]
TIBERIUS: Those are some sturdy kittens.
[The kittens attack! Tiberius shrieks in pain as their tiny little claws rip his flesh apart.]
TIBERIUS: Honey kitties! Honey kitties!
JEFF: Give me the mini-nuke, Tiberius.
TIBERIUS: I don't have it on me. Duh. It's back at my lab.
JEFF: Dammit!
00:05...
[Jeff returns to the lab.]
JEFF: But where? Where?
00:04...
[Jeff returns to the brick wall.]
JEFF: But where? Where?
TIBERIUS: Mmmmfff rrrrrffffff.
JEFF: Spit that kitten out.
[Tiberius gestures frantically. Jeff plucks the kitten from his mouth.]
TIBERIUS: I didn't put it there on purpose!
JEFF: Where in your lab is the mini-nuke?
TIBERUS: On my desk. Next to the kim chee.
JEFF: What's kim chee?
TIBERIUS: Fermented cabbage from Korea.
JEFF: Why is there kim chee on your desk?
TIBERIUS: It's good.
00:03
JEFF: There's the fermented cabbage...but how do I know it's from Korea? Damn!
00:02
JEFF: Tiberius, how can I be sure that it's genuine kim chee?
TIBERIUS:
JEFF: The kittens killed him! Which in a way is good because his blood stains their paws and not my hands, so I get a free pass on this one, conscience-wise, but how will I stop the nuke in time?
00:01
JEFF: There it is! But where's the off switch? Where could it be? Where in the world could it--oh, wait, there it is.
[He pushes the "off" button.]
COMPUTER-GENERATED VOICE: Please enter the deactivation password.
JEFF: [Very, very loud expletive deleted]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be concluded...
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Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2004 5:55 pm Posts: 462 Location: Tampa, Florida
[RECAP: Though Gleefully Macabre Tales has been saved and Mumblecrust defeated, there's still a frickin' bomb about to go off...but not if Jeff can figure out the password in one (1) minute!]
JEFF: What could it be? What could be it? "Password?" "Mumblecrust?" "Vivacious?" "Bueller?" "Conjugate?" "Gorgonzola?" "Keene?" "Afterbirth?" "Chow chow chow?" "Mayhem?" "Red Vines Original Red Twists?" "All Purpose Monkey?" "Beef?" "Carbohydrate?" "Netflix?"
ROBOTIC VOICE: You have ten seconds remaining. If you require additional time, please press "1" now.
[Jeff presses "1."]
ROBOTIC VOICE: Please enter the password for obtaining additional time.
ROBOTIC VOICE: Nine seconds. Eight. Seven. Six. Five.
JEFF: I have to type something...but what???
ROBOTIC VOICE: Four. Three. Two.
JEFF: I'll type....uh......LUV THANG!!!
ROBOTIC VOICE: One...
[Jeff frantically types in the password.]
[Silence.]
ROBOTIC VOICE: Did you really guess "Luv Thang" as the password?
JEFF: Uh, yeah.
ROBOTIC VOICE: Thousands of lives at stake, and you guess "Luv Thang?"
JEFF: Was I right?
ROBOTIC VOICE: No you weren't right, dumbass! The password was "Mumblecrust." What the hell else did you think it was going to be? You put the fate of this entire city in the hands of "Luv Thang." Now I'm just depressed. I can't even muster up the enthusiasm to blow up. Screw it all. I don't need this.
JEFF: So I saved the city?
ROBOTIC VOICE: Yeah, yeah...well, no, I guess I should get over it. Detonation in five...four...three...two....AAARRRRGGHHH!!!!
[The kittens pounce upon the bomb, tearing it to bits.]
JEFF: Wow. It's all over. The Mumblecrust saga has ended. The bad guys are dead, Gleefully Macabre Tales is saved and will go up for pre-order in, like, an hour and a half, several of my blog readers have achieved immortality, and the kittens are well-fed. All in all, it was a very successful adventure. Okay, I'm a bit bummed that Michael McBride is dead, but aside from that, all's well that ends well!
READER #237: You know, if you wanted to promote your short story collection, you could've just bought an ad.
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