Yeah. Craig. Where are your comments? Hunh, where, hunh?
Kids these days.
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| MOVING DAY! http://horrorworld.org/msgboards/viewtopic.php?f=58&t=7925 |
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| Author: | AdamHughes [ Mon May 03, 2010 2:23 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
OK, so here are my thoughts on the stories. I don't claim to have an expert opinion or an advanced understanding of literature, i just enjoy a good story. Here are my thoughts on them The Weight: This was a very,,,"enticing" story. It felt part of a larger picture and sort of had a "movie sneak peak" feel to it. It was very enjoyable from my standpoint because i am not one who always needs to know answers to questions, and it leaves the door open for "what ifs" and "hows" and "whys" Moving Day: This was a very unique zombie story. It did not have the same “END OF THE WORLD!!!!! OMG ZOMBIES!!!!!” feel to it, and it gave it a very distinctive feel. Time To Move Clyde Again: While I did enjoy this story, I could not help but feel that (and I could be WAY off base here) a large part of this story was social commentary about the way hospitals and nursing homes treat their patients. I did enjoy the premises of finding the gateway to hell in a dream though, gives it a “tangible yet intangible” quality. The Lake: I feel that this was this was the story that conveyed emotion the best. It did a great job of instilling the sense of utter panic and fear that the main character felt. I think that “the pumpkin people” could have been changed though, maybe use something a little less “Halloween cliché`” |
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| Author: | TMLCrow [ Mon May 03, 2010 5:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Yeah. Craig. Where are your comments? Hunh, where, hunh? Kids these days.
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| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 12:06 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
I'll post them tomorrow if the board allows me. This morning I couldn't be on here more than five minutes before it "could no longer display the webpage" popped up. This afternoon, I couldn't get on here at all. Right now, at 11:05 p.m., I'm headed out for a late night run. I didn't get my run in this evening because Kellie and I went out. |
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| Author: | horrordude [ Tue May 04, 2010 1:23 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
My comments on the first story: I think this was untitled. Anyway, I thought the author had a good subject to work the story around, but as Tt stated, more showing and making the reader feel some of the things going on would have dressed it up a bit more. Sometimes the best way to think of a story early on is, as a skeleton that needs flesh. I would tell the author to just go over it a few more times. Still a good job, though. |
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| Author: | horrordude [ Tue May 04, 2010 1:37 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
The Weight: Great story. The only other thing that needs to be said is, that I wish I had invented this name: Arthur Jackshitz. Like the great Drabs Bibbler, I shall always remember Arthur Jackshitz. 
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| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 2:55 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
I feel like I'll be walking a thin line on the feedback tomorrow since I'm 99.9% sure I know who wrote every story. But I will be fair. Untitled - Adam Weight - Tony Moving Day - Thad Clyde - Mike Lake - Craig |
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| Author: | AdamHughes [ Tue May 04, 2010 6:21 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Oh i wont be offended if you do some bashing of my story ,,,,,i no serious writer or anything like that,,,just someone who writes a story here and there (mine was the first one on the thread by the way)Truth be told this was my first try at a horror story, and i thing i submitted it WAY too soon,,,i probably could have done some more editing,,, |
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| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Tue May 04, 2010 11:55 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Official Ms. Moderator statement about some of your comments. The Lake. I was asked by the writer if I would post the first two parts of a five part piece. I thought the writing was excellent and folks would want to read more so I agreed. The Weight. I asked the writer if he wanted the story posted the way it was, chapter two and chapter four excerpts. He wanted it posted that way, so that's the way it appears. I think if you are going to criticize the look of the page, font size, etc. you are missing the whole point of this exercise. It is about the word, the writing, not the look. From now on every writer should probably just post his own story the way he wants it to look. I had a writer contact me last night. His story was on a computer he couldn't access until after the story deadline. He asked if I would still post his story and I said I would. I'm sure the way things are going someone will object but I am going to post his story anyway. |
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Tue May 04, 2010 12:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Laurel, you did ask me if thats how I wanted the story printed and I said yes. I did so knowing that some were going to find it confusing, and I expected some not to care for it. So I wasn't the least bit upset when it was pointed out that it was not to someones liking. But I am quilty as charged for commenting on the white space in a story. In my defense, I thought it difficult to read and was just pointing that out. I may be revealing too much here, but this was my thought process when writting that comment, and its the God's honest truth: A member here has often said his stories are rejected. I have never read any of them so I cannot comment on them. But one of the things I always wondered was that if a story is submitted in a form that is hard on the eyes, does the publisher just toss it without even giving it a try. I wondered how this member was presenting his stories and if this was an example of one of his stories.. I was simply projecting my thoughts on this and trying to get that member to consider this, that it may help him out somehow. Thats where the comment came from, I was trying to be helpfull. And like I said, that is the God's honest truth. Tt |
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| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 1:13 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 1:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | ttzuma [ Tue May 04, 2010 1:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 1:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | ttzuma [ Tue May 04, 2010 1:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 2:12 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Okay, my thoughts; Untitled: I thought the plot for this story was very good. There's lots of "people move into haunted house" stories out there, but the creepy painting in the attic that can't be destroyed, and the man in it who very well may be real, was nice. But I also noticed what some others are saying. More showing, less telling. I want to visualize what type of personal hell this guy is going through. With a bit of editing, I think this could be a very strong story, especially if it's the first horror story written Adam. The Weight: I must be getting better at this, because I knew this was TT's as soon as I read it. Tony is great at both dialogue and inserting his own brand of humor into a story. It's what I think makes his stories so fun to read. My only complaint isn't with the writing, but with the multiple chapter excerpts. I know, I know, I posted a story with to be continued on it, so I shouldn't say anything. But I was a bit lost while reading this. On the other hand, it made me curious and want to read more, so that's a good sign. Moving Day: I figured Thad would be the only one of us crazy enough to write a zombie story. I'm sick of zombies to an extent (although I did recently buy The New Dead, but how could I resist that line-up?), but I have to give Thad a lot of credit for making this original. It was quick, precise, and clever at the end. Not much to complain about - which means I obviously didn't read it close enough. Moving Clyde: I loved both the idea of this story (the dream portal to hell) and some of the visual imagery Mike used. The fly and the creature crawling out of the pit immediately come to mind. It's obvious he's had some practice writing. But like others, I found myself confused a bit in the scenes with Clyde and the nurse. This feels like a story that needs room to breathe and be expanded upon for us to get the full effect of it. The Lake: Yes, this one is mine. As I mentioned in another thread, it stemmed from a dream I had - Part One is almost exactly the same in fact. Adam had a nice observation with the pumpkin men perhaps being cliche, but that's what I saw in my dream, so I wrote it. An easy enough fix later on, if I want. I knew early on it was going to be way too long. It's broken into 5 parts, and I only posted the first 2. I asked Laurel beforehand if this was okay, and she said it was. If she'd said no, I was okay with not submitting, because it would have been impossible to trim this down. |
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Tue May 04, 2010 2:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Post the last 3 parts please. Tt |
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| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 2:25 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Post deleted due to my own stupidity. 
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| Author: | AdamHughes [ Tue May 04, 2010 2:26 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
i did not realize that i did not have mine titled. I think that goes back once again to me submitting it WAY to early. I would have probably gone with "Eye Have You" or "The Eyes Have It" ,,,,,or some kind of eye pun 
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Tue May 04, 2010 2:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | TMLCrow [ Tue May 04, 2010 4:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
I am now stating for the record that this is the first, last, and only zombie story I will ever write. Thanks, Craig and Adam. |
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| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Tue May 04, 2010 4:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
If Craig sends me the last three parts of his story I'll be happy to post them. As soon as I receive the other story that I'm waiting on I will post it as well. As far as the formats go, I post all stories exactly the way they are sent to me. If there are special instructions such as italics, bold type, etc. I try my best to accommodate. I like being the moderator and would love to continue. Next month I was thinking I would chose one of our story contributors to pick the topic... shake things up a bit. What do you guys think? |
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| Author: | TMLCrow [ Tue May 04, 2010 4:59 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
On this thread, you're the boss, Boss. 
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Tue May 04, 2010 5:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | Craig Cook [ Tue May 04, 2010 8:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
| Author: | horrordude [ Tue May 04, 2010 9:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
My next comment is for the author of It's Time To Move Clyde Again: You need serious help, pal! That's it, I'm calling Dr. Phil: 
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| Author: | AdamHughes [ Wed May 05, 2010 2:25 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
I am not sure if i like the idea of having a month with no real subject,,,,,,i kinda like to see how people put a spin n the simplest ideas |
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| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Wed May 05, 2010 10:48 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Moving Day at the Universal Studios Horror Lot It was about 6:30 in the morning when my phone rang. The early morning sun was peeking through my blinds like a perverted neighbor. My early morning erection made a tent out of my blanket. It stood there mocking me like a dwarf with a knockout blonde for a wife. The phone rang again and this time I answered. “Hi, you have reached the voicemail of Nathan…” “Cut that shit. I’ve heard it all before Nate boy. Get your hand off your prick and listen. I got work for you.” It was Carlos Fernando. Carlos operated a moving company. I sometimes worked for him when I needed quick cash. “Not today Chico.” “Double pay Nate. It’s an emergency.” I didn’t say anything. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” Carlos said. ____________ 10 minutes later he arrived in his old beat up moving truck which sputtered like a senior citizen with a pack a day habit. I hopped into the back seat. Carlos was driving with his brother Jorge riding shotgun. “So, what’s the story here Speedy?” I asked Carlos. “No story, we have a big job to do out in Crystal Elm, couple of my guys called in hung over. There’s a retirement home out there. We’re gonna move the residents in their own bus to a new home and then we’re gonna move the furniture. Only 3 of us today so we got some hard work ahead of us.” It was a long drive to Crystal Elm so I lay down in the back seat and drifted off to sleep. _____________________ I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in Carlos’s truck. I could see Jorge and his brother talking to tall man with grey hair. Behind them lay a huge house that had seen better days. I got out the car and approached Carlos, the brother and the tall man with grey hair. As I approached I got a closer look at the old man and started laughing. “Hey Norman, is this the Bates hotel?” I asked him. Carlos looked at me. “You know him,” he asked? “Who?” “Norman Bates.” “Of course I know him. Psycho. Hitchcock. Dresses like his Mommy.” I made a thrusting motion with my right hand and made the screeching noise from the shower scene. The guy with white hair looked down. Embarassed. “That was a long time ago, “he whispered. I started laughing but I looked at the old guy and he looked serious. Carlos looked confused. Carlos’s brother looked uncomfortable, like a guy with the shortest dong at an orgy. “Norman” looked at me and I felt little hairs stand to attention on my neck. His eyes were dark and haunted. But there was something underneath as well. Jesus, I thought to myself. It can’t be. This guy looks exactly like Norman Bates or Anthony Perkins. A lot older though. I looked around realized how remote the area was. Bates looked at Carlos. “My apologies. I guess I’ve been recognized. Years ago I had some trouble with my mother and some people staying at my hotel. But I served my time and my mental health is a lot better.” Carlos shook his head. “No apologies, sir. I understand.” He looked at me. “My colleague should learn to keep his mouth shut. I looked at Carlos. “Are you kidding me, man? This guy thinks he’s Norman Bates and apparently had plastic surgery to look like him. You know Psycho? Hitchcock? What the fuck is going on?” “What is going on is I don’t know any movie called Psycho and I don’t know who Anthony Perkins is but Mr. Bates here paid us to do a job. Now please let’s get working.” I stood there. Was I still dreaming? I looked at Jorge and he shook his head. He apparently had never heard of Norman Bates either. “Ok I said. Let’s go. But if I see any old woman wigs I’m outta here.” As we approached the house I saw a large yellow school bus parked to the side and a sign on the front door that said Bates Home for the Retired. As we walked “Norman” talked about how long they had been there and how many residents they had. “Norman” opened the front door and let Carlos and Jorge in. I let Norman go in before me. No way was I getting in front of this guy. The main hall was small but very clean. There was a faint medicinal odor in the air. I could hear a TV playing in the background. “Hi, I’m Fred” a gravelly voiced suddenly said. I looked at the doorway to the left where the voice came from. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. But then I fainted anyway. There are moments we will remember our whole lives. The first time we get laid, the first time we see our children. Well, you can add waking up and seeing Norman Fucking Bates and Freddy Fucking Krueger staring down at you. I screamed like a little girl and scooted backwards on my hands and feet. Carlos and Jorge ran to my side. “Jesus amigo. What happened? You fainted dead away.” “Freddy Krueger guys. Don’t tell me you don’t know Freddy Krueger. A Nightmare on Elm Street? Metal Claws? Comes to your dreams?” Carlos looked at Jorge. “I’m not crazy goddamnit! We’re in some kind of nightmare! Norman Bates and Freddy Krueger are standing 6 feet away from me!” They both looked over at Norman and Freddy. “My name is Fred Krueger. But Nightmare on Elm street? Metal claws? I have no idea what your friend is talking about. I had a car accident years ago, which is why my face is burnt up. I apologise. It does shock people sometimes.” I grabbed Carlos by the collar. “Look man, I don’t know where the fuck we are but we need to get out of here. These guys are serial fucking killers. They make Ted Bundy look like Doris fucking Day!” Jorge looked at Carlos. “Let’s just leave man. Something isn’t right” Carlos stood up. “Gentlemen, my friend is sick. We’re going to drop him home and come back later. I don’t know what’s got into him. Norman smiled. “No hard feelings, son. He looked at Freddy. “How do you think he knows about us? He keeps saying we’re in movies? Have they made movies about us?” “I don’t know,” Freddy said. “But I know we can’t let them leave. We can’t let anyone find out about us.” Freddy reached behind his back and it re-appeared covered in a brown leather glove with long sharp knives protruding out of them. I screamed and scrambled to the front door. I ran up against a brick wall, or rather a guy who stood about 7 feet tall and wore a hockey mask. I turned around and saw Freddy raise his hand and bring it down into Carlos’s throat. Arterial blood splattered Freddy’s face, and Carlos, wide eyed, gagged weakly with his hands around Freddy’s glove. Norman, meanwhile, had pulled out a long wicked blade and was about to pounce on Jorge. Unfortunately for Norman, Jason grabbed Jorge and pile drived him into the concrete floor. The last thing I saw before I bolted was Jorge’s head disappearing into his neck. I screamed and ran down one of the hallways that led from the main entrance. It was the stuff of nightmares, I saw Michael Myers in the kitchen, Leatherface watching TV, and Chucky taking a bath. Then, I heard a voice over the intercom. “Attention residents. We have a prowler loose in the retirement residence. Whoever catches him get the honor of first cut.” It was Norman talking. A cacophony of sound from Hell’s orchestra started playing: evil cackles, a chainsaw revving, and knives being sharpened. Slowly I felt my sanity slipping away. Was I in a movie? Was this real life? I prayed to God to let me wake up. I didn’t wake up and when I turned around and saw Hannibal Lecter walking towards me with a hungry smile and a gleaming blade in his hand my sanity finally shattered into a million tiny pieces. _____________________________ I reached into the box of popcorn and shoved a handful into my mouth. “Great movie!” I said to Carlos who was sitting next to me. He nodded his head in agreement and drank from his Coke. The contents went down his mouth and then poured out the slash marks in his throat. Next to him a headless Jorge was tossing Milk Duds into where his mouth would have been. I looked behind his chair and there was a small mountain of Duds behind him. I turned back to the movie. It was a great one. All monsters and villains of the movies were living together in a retirement home. They had caught this poor sucker and were in the midst of cutting him to pieces. They each took turns and the poor guy was screaming for God, for his Mommy, for anyone. I almost believed he was really getting butchered. Thank God its only movie I said to myself as I reached for another handful of popcorn. |
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Wed May 05, 2010 11:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
 It had me smiling all the way through. Tt |
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Wed May 05, 2010 12:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Just want to add my two cents. I really liked all the stories. Good variation on the moving topic. All the stories had great ideas within them and all of them were intriguing. I think as a whole the writers are very good at thinking up ideas for their stories. At this point I think most of the writers, myself incuded, need to concentrate on the little mistakes that creep into each story whether it be grammar, paragraphs, dialogue, etc. These little nagging details tend to take me out of a story and affect my enjoyment. |
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| Author: | Craig Cook [ Wed May 05, 2010 12:34 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: MOVING DAY! |
Paulo, did you write the Universal Studios story? |
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