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| First Dates From Hell http://horrorworld.org/msgboards/viewtopic.php?f=58&t=7363 |
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:00 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Very good job J.D.! It was a great story! Tony |
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:06 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Thanks again! If you guys would indulge me I would like to post another story I wrote. This was the original story I wrote for First Dates but I just couldn't get it right. Something always seemed off to me. I hope I am not breaking any rules by posting it! |
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
The Last First Date When my Mom was 18 she was set up on a blind date. Her last first date I guess you could say. Not only because it was her last first date but also because it was the end of something else. I’m not sure what. Maybe her innocence, as clichéd as that sounds. But maybe this date also meant the end of the world. Let me explain. The blind date’s name was Chad Wilkerson and they agreed to meet at a local coffee shop on a Friday evening in the summer of 1966. As she was about to leave Chad rang her and asked if she could meet at his house on 332 Pine Street. His car wasn’t starting so he wanted to know if my Mom could pick him up. No alarm bells went off in my Mom’s head. This was the sixties. People didn’t wonder if their next-door neighbour was a serial killer. She gets there but Chad’s not waiting out front. So Mom knocks on the front door. My mom has no memory of what happened next. She was found wandering the interstate, naked except for underwear, covered in cuts presumably made by a knife. Pentagrams, upside down crosses, strange words defiled her body like a roadmap of hell. Only her face was spared. The police picked her up, her parents were called and all she could say was she had went to Chad’s house and had knocked on his door. When they went to Chad’s house it was empty. The family had packed up and left. They even took the ice trays. Growing up I have to say my Mom did a good job of shielding me from her demons (no pun intended). She was pretty messed up for years afterward. Drugs, drinks, men, the usual things that messed up people do I suppose. Getting pregnant straightened her life out somewhat. She cold turkied herself off the drugs and alcohol and became a full time Mommy. I guess my teens are when I started to notice strange things about my Mom. She still had the scars on her body but time and plastic surgery had almost erased them. But some nights I would wake up and hear her crying in her bed. I would crawl in to bed with her and hold her until she fell asleep. That is how it went for a few years. That was our normal. 3 days ago I turned 18. The same age my mother was on that last first date. My mother’s condition has deteriorated in the past 3 months. Her problems are far beyond the earthly skills of a therapist. She needs help from above the earth; as in God, Jehovah, Yahweh whatever you call him. She has started talking in her sleep. But not in her own voice. The voice is not female. But it doesn’t sound male either. Reptilian seems to be the best way to describe it. The voice hisses and slithers like a snake in a holy garden. I don’t think of the voice as my Mom anymore. The voice calls me. Tells me what it’s going to do to me once it gets out. Horrific acts of torture are what it has in store for me. I won’t go into details but this thing has a million uses for excrement. Once in a while it will say something intriguing enough for me write down. It recently said: “Cut her Chad. Cut her. Write the map. She is the way.” I began recording the voice. Two nights ago the voice called me again. I refused to go but it said it would stick its fingers in my Mother’s eyeballs if I didn’t come to it. I went to my mom’s room and she was sitting up in bed watching me. Her eyes were completely black. No light reflected in them. Light died in them. The carvings on her body that had faded with time were now bright and red and inflamed. The thing notmymomnotmymomnotmymom looked at me with absolute hatred and contempt as if my well-being and sanity was an affront to its existence. “Kill yourself,” it said to me in its reptilian voice, “save yourself from the pain to come.” I should have been terrified. And I was. But for the first time in a long time I was also calm. Because I realized that this thing, if not quite afraid of me, was worried about me. I was an obstacle to its end game. I thought of my Mom staggering down the highway, obscenities carved into her body. I thought of how she was used and discarded as if she had no worth. I used that rage to bury my fear “Get out of my Mother you son of a bitch.” I said. Ok, it sounds pretty lame but it was the best I could do on short notice. And it worked. The thing left my mother. For now anyways. When my Mom woke up the next morning she had no memory of what had happened. Ok, don’t laugh at what I am about to say: I believe my mother is possessed by some kind of demon. Maybe THE demon. The head honcho. Beelzebub himself. Every day I draw from a well of strength my Mom has given me. There is a feeling growing inside of me that my mother created me to save her and maybe the world. Everyday it grows; pushing against my bones like my Mom used to say I would kick her ribs when she was 9 months pregnant with me. I dug up old police reports about what happened to my Mom. The symbols and words scratched onto her body were documented in the reports. I have begun to research the strange words and symbols that were etched into her skin. I used my savings and hired a private investigator to find the Wilkerson’s or whoever lived on 332 Pine St during the summer of 1966 when my Mother’s life was stolen from her. I know there is little chance of the P.I finding anything but I have to try. What happened in Chad Wilkerson’s house could be the key to all of this. I also know that time is short. Yesterday, as I do every morning, I played the recordings made the night before in my Mom’s room. “Margaret. Margaret.” It hissed my name mockingly. “Soon I will be free.” |
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| Author: | ShariTN [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 3:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Good Job J.D! I liked My Father (Although I did have to read it twice, cause I think I read it too fast the first time and was confused LOL) I like The Last First Date too...but not as a short story...I think it has lots of good stuff that needs to be fleshed out into a longer story, You need to write it as a book! I'd read it 
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| Author: | Craig Cook [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I'm seriously diggin' all these stories! Great job everyone! I like how quite a few people think they know which story I wrote, but nobody has been right. 
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:33 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
| Author: | ShariTN [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Well I still think it would make a good book!
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| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
My guesses: Filling The Abyss - Craig Holes - Tony Forbidden Love - Thad |
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| Author: | Craig Cook [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
 (Sorry, this is great)
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:43 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I want to periodically add what I liked about each story. I really liked Forbidden Love. The actual story was good but I thought the writing was particularly elegant. IMO, it's probably the most well written of the bunch. |
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:44 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:45 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Well, I'm pretty sure I got one of my three guesses right. Okay. I'm going to go back and read all the stories again and see if I can spot Craig's. |
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| Author: | ShariTN [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:46 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Well, I can't guess LOL But I will cop to being the one to write Angela...I don't know how J.D guessed LOL |
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| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
My final guess and then I give up. Craig wrote The Perfect Woman? |
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 4:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
| Author: | ShariTN [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 5:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Thanks! I, Like Laurel, do love my Laymon! Actually to be honest, I wrote it in about an hour...and I had no idea what is what going to be about. LOL I wrote the first sentence and just kept typing. when I was done it was about 1045 words so I had to keep tweaking to get it under the 1000 words. I guess for my first story, written in an hour it turned out ok. I know there's a lot of mistakes but I'm a newbie so It's understandable LOL I actually like it more now than when I first wrote it. |
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| Author: | TMLCrow [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 5:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:05 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I give up. 
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| Author: | TMLCrow [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I'll tell what I wrote by Saturday if no one guesses before then. Poor Laurel. |
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| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 6:30 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Okay, I'm going to make one more guess and then I quit. I think The 'Dude wrote First Date. |
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| Author: | HugeHorrorFan [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 8:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
| ...Craig is right, this is fun. I am going to read the stories now and I will let everyone know which one I wrote on Saturday.
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 8:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I did want to take the time to thank Nanci for being our moderator for this exercise. Thank you! Tt |
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 8:52 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I wonder if this is a record for most views in one day? |
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 8:55 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I hope we can start up again with another topic. This is a good motivator for me to write something. |
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:24 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
My money is on Craig for writing Forbidden Love. Tt |
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| Author: | Laurel in Ely [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 9:32 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
| Author: | HugeHorrorFan [ Thu Dec 17, 2009 10:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Man, everyone one of those stories is good. I am prouder than ever to hang around this forum with such talent. Are you sure you guys don't want to bump heads and write the next horror blockbuster? Good stuff. |
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| Author: | horrordude [ Fri Dec 18, 2009 7:49 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
I liked different things in all these stories. Yeah, I know I'm late ... The Horrordude was having a serious conversation with Drabs Bibbler on the future of horror, so I was detained. I'm debating whether or not I should say which one I wrote. It's too much fun seeing all these people freak out trying to guess. I might have to consult with Drabs on this one and return later ........ 
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| Author: | Jazminsdaddy [ Fri Dec 18, 2009 2:47 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Ok fellas, can you start letting us know which story you wrote?
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| Author: | ttzuma [ Fri Dec 18, 2009 3:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: First Dates From Hell |
Some short comments on the individual stories: Forbidden Love: I really enjoyed the style of this story. It was at times erotic, but subdued like I would think a period piece would read. I also thought it was very fluid, I followed along with the story just fine. I really enjoyed this one. First Date: Though this kind of story leaned more to the extreme end of the horror curve, I have to admit I followed it through with interest. When the author brought the Alzheimer's issue into it, I admit to being "wowed" at that point and it put the story into a different perspective for me. Holes: I thought the author did a good job in mimicking Steve Vernon's style of writing, it seemed apparent, if not obvious, that this is what the author was striving for. It had the folksy charm and weirdness of a Vernon tale, and if taken as an homage to Steve, I think the author did a good job. Taken on its own, I think its entertaining, but not memorable. My Father: To quote Pic, I also like its surreal imagery. Like Shari, I also had to read it a few times though to understand it, but once I did, I thought it was a really great story, one that would linger for a while after reading. Filling The Abyss: I really liked this punchy style of writing. It was short, to the point, and and very noir-ish. Out of all the stories, I thought this one had the most potential to be expanded. The Perfect Woman: Not only did I like the ending, I was really amazed at how the author got the whole story down in less than 1000 words. It was all there, told well, easy to follow, and satisfying at the end. Last First Date: I enjoyed the straight ahead first person narrative on this one. There were a few great lines in this that were simple, but really conveyed the point. Like this one: "The voice hisses and slithers like a snake in a holy garden," and the one that followed it. I really did feel like I was in the characters mind as he was thinking away. Angela: It's hard to believe that someone who never wrote before put this together in an hour! The author did a good job of letting us into her characters head, and letting us in on when and how the situation turned for her. Though I figured it was her that would be the killer, the author did keep me wondering right until the end. As I mentioned before, I think all the stories are great and I enjoyed reading every one of them. Tt |
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