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at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4672: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) Horror World • View topic - First Dates From Hell
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
I will add my comments as well.
Forbidden Love: As I said earlier I found the prose to be very elegant. On a pure writing level this is my favourite story.
First Date: The Alzheimer's conceit is very very clever bordering on genius. Great idea! It's something I wish I had thought of.
Holes: I took me a few reads to warm up to this story but I am definitely on board now. I like quirkiness and this story has it in bunches. I also thought it was pretty funny.
My Father: A flat out masterpiece of short story writing. This writer (whoever it is) has a Stephen King like career ahead of him.
Filling The Abyss: This story definitely put the most vivid pictures in my head. Great writing! Could definitely be expanded.
The Perfect Woman: Awesome idea for a story with a great ending. One of my faves.
Last First Date: See comments on My Father and apply it to this story.
Angela: As I mentioned before I like it. I like female revenge fantasies and this was a good one. Very impressive cosidering it was almost a stream-of-conciousness thing written in an hour. Guys, if you go on a date with Shari be very very nice to her.
Good job guys and gal. Let's do it again!
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
Well, since it was part of the deal, here are my thoughts.
Angela--I liked the fact that Angela wasn't a calculating person. The ending is just someone snapping and the best part is the author let us know Angela's feelings at the end.
Forbidden Love--A well-executed story (no pun intended). I liked how the author showed that sometimes something horrific comes from doing nothing at all.
Holes--A magnificent homage to the Mighty Vernon.
Filling The Abyss--Very noir. The pacing and beat of the story was nice and I wish I could do something like that.
My Father--I think this almost had an ethereal quality to it. I know the author wishes to have a Stephen King-like career, but this story reminded me somewhat of a Pic story, like Thrust, where you weren't quite sure if you're the reader or the character.
First Date--I liked that the "twist" didn't come right at the end. It happened and the author allowed the ending to grow from the Alzheimer's revelation.
Last First Date--I know what you wanted to do with this, JD, but honestly to me this read like a shortened beginning of a novel or novella. This is one that, if you wanted to pursue it, should be expanded on to see where it takes you.
The Perfect Woman--Obviously the author didn't have a clue as what to write about before it was sent in. This was something just pulled out of his ass. His original thought was to write a story about mating Praying Mantis', for pete's sake. He did steal and rework the ending of that story into the ending you read. He hadn't written anything that slow and deliberate until this story. He hopes to stop trying to have M. Night Shamaylan endings. It's been so long since he's been on a date he isn't even sure when women are flirting with him. He hopes to do better next time, but, since he is more into experimenting with things such as tenses as this group progresses than writing a polished story, he makes no promises.
Last edited by TMLCrow on Sat Dec 19, 2009 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Joined: Sun Mar 16, 2008 8:35 pm Posts: 231 Location: Tennessee
Oh and BTW I'm over my PMS now so if anyone wishes to point out my mistakes and tell me what kinds of things need to be changed or done differently feel free...I'd like to know for future writings
And I promise not to bite off anyone's head (Or chop it off with a kitchen cleaver )
I am sure most of you don't know me here, but I would like to thank Tony for sending me the link and the opportunity to read these great stories! Am I guessing right in that Tony is a Steve Vernon fan? Your stories have some great elements with some very memorable endings. For some reason, the old coot getting a beat down by some angry old women keeps me laughing...and wincing. I think I may have a cane phobia. Great job, everyone!
Last edited by tgarsenault on Sat Dec 19, 2009 12:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
Tim's finishing up his latest, Bleeding The Vein that hopefully will be published in 2010 (if he finishes it on time). If you get a chance you should visit T.G.'s author board and read about the wild changes in his life over the last year or so. Oh...that part about the goats...well... I made that up!
And whats wrong with asking respected author's to give us some words of encouragement? I think which ever author decides to do so, shows how much they care about the genre as well as their fans. I think it's cool that so far Tim and Pic have commented! Tt
Joined: Tue Nov 30, 2004 7:07 pm Posts: 1886 Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
Whew. I'm sitting here sipping on an ugly cup of coffee thinking ugly thoughts about the ugly snow I'm going to have to shovel when I decided it was time I took Tony's advice and check this thread out. Nice stories people. It's never easy - writing to length and subject but some of you folks have really outdone yourselves.
ANGELA: a nice tale that could use a little more work in spots. Good sense of character though. MY FATHER: Haunting, very subtle. Who ever wrote this definitely is not just farting around. My favorite. HOLES: Got a nice flow to it. A little stiff in parts – I think it might have been better served with a first person point of view. My only real beef was the protagonist was just too unbelievable – who in the hell would name a kid Steve Vernon??? (and for my money I would have to guess that Horrordude wrote HOLES) FORBIDDEN LOVE: I do love me an historical, but this one felt more like the opening of something a little larger. This story was definitely handicapped by the length restriction. FIRST DATE: Good glimpse into the mind of a multiple rapist. I found it a little “stiff” towards the end but the Alzheimer’s angle worked nicely. Another story that might better have been told in a longer format. My guess - Ttzuma is the culprit. FILLING THE ABYSS: A good tale of frustrated revenge. THE PERFECT WOMAN: This is definitely well told, with a fine conversational style that takes the reader by the hand and leads him on his journey. It could have used a bit more of a hook in the end, but who ever wrote this definitely is a writer.
_________________ FLASH VIRUS: EPISODE ONE (always free)
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
Thanks for the comments Steve.
Now if people would just admit what stories they wrote!
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
Joined: Wed May 30, 2007 12:14 am Posts: 1454 Location: Kitchener, ON
Well, I am going to come clean as I should have already done this on Saturday. I want to thank everyone in advance for all the pointers and comments. It was great to have a story critiqued without any strings.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
Just so I can be clear:
ANGELA: Shari MY FATHER: Jazminsdaddy HOLES: FORBIDDEN LOVE: Craig FIRST DATE: HHF FILLING THE ABYSS: THE PERFECT WOMAN: Thad
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
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