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[ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4668: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4670: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4671: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4672: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) Horror World • View topic - OCTOBER STORIES 2011
UNTITLED: (EXCERPTS FROM...): I'm pretty sure I know who the author of this work is and knowing it will bias my thoughts here. I will start out by saying I think that this piece is the best he has written yet. I liked the concept he went with and I enjoyed the story. From a technical standpoint, there are many things that the author must still work on, including typo's, tenses, continuity, and even giving his story a title. But he is better than he has been in the past and I hope he continues to write and improve.
I'm not sure what this story has to do with the topic though, maybe I missed it.
Across The Street: Another very well written tale. I also enjoyed this one. I loved the attention to detail in it and the characterizations were darn near perfect. For it's length, the tale was well told, but it felt a little thin. I think because of the length, the ending didn't hit me as hard as I think the author wanted it to. The story did make you think though as you were reading it. I saw the house and scenery clearly as I went along and the bloody ending was very vivid in my mind.
El Maestro: The first time I read this I was confused and had to reread it, and even then I didn't know what to make of it. But the funny thing was, I kept thinking about it last night and then I would find myself chuckling.
The story isn't exactly logical, but it still needs to be cleaned up some. For instance I was confused about whose love letters Tara was reading and why the teacher called him Ben one time and Mr. Stevens another.
I started to think about the plotting of the story itself and it doesn't really hold up when you take it apart. But then I thought, it's a bizzaro story, it's not supposed to hold up under scrutiny, so I just went with it. Keeping that in mind, I enjoyed it a lot more when I reread it this morning.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
"Mr. Stephens was the new Spanish teacher. I had him during for my third period class, and it didn’t take long for him to leave an impression on our class.
The first thing that caught my attention was his apparent lack of knowledge concerning the Spanish language. Then there was the case of looking up Ashley Tharp’s skirt, wearing white dress pants with no underwear beneath, and having Tara Payton read love letters from his multitude of supposed girlfriends out loud to the class."
Forgive me for going on and on about this story but the above passage?
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
I want to read a novel with Mr.Stephens as the main character. He travels across North America, teaching at different schools, getting weirder and weirder.
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
The Beach: A beautiful story in my opinion. I now think it was the best written one. There is a cadence to it that's comforting, it sucks you in. I was confused at first and thought it a gay romance, but even if it is, it's very charming and effecting. Do minnows live in the ocean though?
This story actually makes me think about trying to write something in a new style, but I think it might be intrinsic, and I don't have it in me (I of course could be wrong, but I think a woman wrote this). Every sentence leads naturally to another, every metaphor belonged, i.e., in context, and they seemed natural to the narrative. There wasn't one part of this story that seemed forced to me, and it was easy to read the third time as it was the first. I think whoever wrote this, did a great job.
With the exception of one particular story I have absolutely no clue who wrote what. I'm still mulling things over, but I agree with Tony about The Beach. Love that one.
The Deal-- I liked a lot of the imagery in this one. It was a relatively straight forward tale, and being such, a lot of writers may have tried to overcompensate with the imagery, but the writer here didn't do that. I also liked that you get that break in the story where the point of view changes and you get a better sense of Joey as a character.
Burning Rain: There's a lot I like about this one. First off, I like the voice. It did a good job of putting me in the head of a tough teenager with it's combination of long and short sentences. (Though maybe the author tried just a little too hard to make her convincing with the all the swearing). And I liked that I didn't realize it was a girl until the half way mark. I also liked the setting and thought it the most creative covering the topic. And I liked the touches about the books, it grounded the story some.
Personally I am not a fan of sci/fi and this seemed a little bit too science fictiony to me. But I do think that this was horror based, and this and El Maestro were the two best horror entry's. I did enjoy this one and actually read it twice in a row the after it was posted because I wanted to make sure I read what I read. (Hope that made sense).
Gamorrah Falls-- I liked that this one offered something different. The descriptions were very well done, especially when talking about how the person infected by the thing in the Crow Jar wanted the hunger and didn't want to resist it. My biggest issue with the story is that it feels like it needs another few hundred words to really flesh it out. We don't really see how or why Kane becomes infected. To me, there's a slight disconnect between Kane and the story of the Crow Jars and the Wiltons. But that is just me.
Walker-- This one played like a movie in my head while reading it. I could feel the sense of dread the kids felt as the walker made his/its way around the tree that held their treehouse. I especially liked the ending, in that each kid had taken something different away from the encounter.
Untitled/Excerpt from...-- Like Tony, I'm pretty sure who wrote this one, and for the most part I agree with his assessment. Unlike Tony, I do see the folklore part of the story (secret government lab, strange "animals" roaming the wilderness) but there aren't any kids mentioned, at least from what I saw. That shouldn't keep this person from writing. They've made some good strides, especially in how they want to convey their ideas.
Across The Street-- I think this one could've benefitted from a higher word count limit, so that the emotions at the end could've been explored more. I do like the concept of folklore and legends being just stories and how they can take on a life of their own, and how real consequences can come from believing in those stories.
El Maestro-- This may be the craziest thing done for one of these exercises, and I do find myself chuckling at the thought of it. It took something very basic and kind of turned it on its head. Though I wonder how long a teacher like that could've lasted in the real world. There were some nice touches in it, like how Mr. Stephens stroked his chin after his goatee was licked off by the Easter bunny.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
Or do like Thad and and review all but three. One of those three belong to him
But seriously, why do we not say what we have written from the beginning?
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
BTW, I am pretty sure Craig wrote the insane teacher story.
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
My Sister: I thought the author did a really good job with the plotting on this one. Everything was laid out well from the set up in the beginning, through the abduction, to the lead characters emotional loss in the end. The author also did a good job of convincing me that the two characters were kids, very good dialog in that one. I thought the beginning a bit stiff though, as if the author was trying a little too hard to make an impression, and I thought the ending a little too thin, there wasn't much there to keep the story in my mind long after I had read it. The story flowed well and I really did enjoy it as I was reading it. The author did not go into detail on what happened to his sister which I am guessing was because of length constraints, which may have been why the author ended the story as he did. But I am thankful for that, as memorable as that might have made the story (Prodigal Blues comes to mind) I don't think I could have read it without getting sick.
I think I finished all of them. I will hold off on my guesses on who wrote what until more people finish commenting on the stories. I do not want to bias anyone even though my guesses will most certainly be wrong.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
Walker:
I thought this was a pretty solid story through and through. I think the action and dialogue of the kids was very believable, and I think it was written very well.
My only criticism is that the writer didn't give enough information on how exactly the "walker" was tormenting the kids. If it was just walking around the tree then I don't buy that it would be a source of lifelong anxiety.
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
Across The Street:
Again, a solidly told, well written tale. I think Thad (who should start reviewing novels) put it perfectly:
I think this one could've benefitted from a higher word count limit, so that the emotions at the end could've been explored more. I do like the concept of folklore and legends being just stories and how they can take on a life of their own, and how real consequences can come from believing in those stories.
My only quibble is that there was no moment when I was surprised, there was no real hook. That's fine I guess but then I agree with Thad in that the emotions at the end should have been explored more.
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
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