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[ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4671: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) [phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4672: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3815) Horror World • View topic - OCTOBER STORIES 2011
Ok I am going to not read who wrote what. And due to a death sickness that I have I am going to slowly read. Hope you don't mind honesty. Remember I love you guys lol Off to read story #1
OK first the bad... the first few sentences made me lean back and hope to god this story wasn't going to be as wordy as it seemed like it was going to be. (For me the story really started in paragraph 5)
But then that part passed and the story hooked me hard. There was an overall creepy feeling that stuck with you. The story flowed well and I completely enjoyed reading it.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
ACROSS THE STREET: First off, I think I know who wrote this one, but I will hold off guessing until I've read all the stories.
I have virtually no complaints with the writing itself. It was clean and crisp, with good descriptions and nice characterization given the short word count. Simply put, the writing is solid and the author seemed to feel comfortable with the setting.
I will say the ending left me feeling a bit let down - after such a great build up, the ending didn't shock me like I expected. After Matthew mentions the word "gun" to the cops, then we hear the pop-pop-pop, I knew he had shot someone. However, I think this was a product of the word count and that the author has more they would like to do with this piece.
EL MAESTRO: My favorite part of this one might be the first line. It certainly hooks you in and makes you say "huh?" and want to keep reading. There was some nice suspense built up through the second half of the story, as well as some genuinely disturbing moments (the bunny costume, the lettuce sitting amidst the undigested food).
I'm not sure how well the logic holds up, though. What makes the teacher act this way? Why are the kids so compliant with him? As with some other stories, I think this requires a longer word count to try and flesh out some of the finer points in the story.
THE BEACH: I absolutely loved the writing in this one. It had a lyrical, poetic quality to it that kind of lulls you along and whispers to you. I still have two stories to go, but so far, I'd have to say this has the best writing.
That being said, I admit to being a little lost. I thought the narrator was a woman at the beginning. It's a little jarring to not realize it's a man until part way through the story. I'm also not entirely sure of the significance of the sea shell. I look forward to hearing from the author of this story and discussing it a bit more.
MY SISTER: As the parent of a three-year old daughter, this story scared the s**t out of me. Emma obviously will never have an older brother, but if she did and he allowed his anger about a girl allow this to happen...well, I don't know how I would react. Kids are kids, but geez, I would go crazy. The narrator does get some kudos though for taking out the ad and living as long as possible to find out what happened to her. You know he's being tortured by it.
I guess my one concern is what were kids taught in the 70's concerning men (or creatures) handing out candy from their vehicles? Today, kids know from an early age to stay away, and especially if an older sibling is yelling at them to stop. I'm also not sure I believe the brother would stay still for so long while watching the van pull up next to his sister.
This story alone gets high marks from me simply on the personal creepiness factor.
BURNING RAIN: This one had an Ed Lee type of feel for me, as it was certainly the most gruesome of all the stories. The ending was excellent, although it included a minor gripe I will explain in a moment. In this story, I didn't mind not knowing the narrator's gender, as unlike The Beach, I didn't feel misled by it. The writing was well done, and I really liked the character's names for some reason. The depictions were graphic, but I didn't feel like the author was doing it just to be gross. Props for that.
I ama bit confused by the cannibalistic nature of the kids, though. Most of the story plays out as though the adults are cannibals, and that they eat the children. But if the kids are eating themselves, as described at the end, are they just like the adults? A slight clarification in this regard might go a long way to enhance the story.
The Deal: Chris Gamorrah Falls: Joseph Walker: Thad Excerpt...: Adam Across the Street: Tony El Maestro: Janet The Beach: Chris My Sister: Craig Burning Rain: Dennis
Ok I reread the first story this morning and I still agree with my earlier comment. The first few paragraphs were too wordy for me. Thankfully I knew that one of you guys wrote it so I continued reading. I am really glad I did. The story was excellent and fun and creepy. The ending was almost perfect for a short story. There was just one line that threw me off (threw me off yesterday too) and I am not sure why. This is the line: (He stood up, and what remained of his humanity fell away like an old snakeskin.)
I am not sure what is wrong with it. I like the sentence. It just threw me out of the story two days in a row though.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
Burning Road:
I liked this one. I thought it did good job in creating a world that I want to know more about. I love the idea that in this world books like Catcher in the Rye and To Kill a Mockingbird are considered folk tales. As Craig pointed out, I would like some more clarity around why Chalk is getting eaten at the end. But overall, great idea and good execution. Entertaining story!
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
The Deal--Chris Gamorrah Falls--Joseph Walker--Dennis Excerpt...--Adam Across The Street--Tony El Maestro--Craig The Beach--Chris My Sister--Janet Burning Rain--Thad
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
I think The Deal is Dennis.
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
When are we going to reveal?
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
I want to say again I am reading nothing but the stories first. I am not reading comments until after I finish the stories.
Gamorrah Falls.
Can I just say Wow. Regardless of what I thought was wordy last night I was wrong. This story was excellent. Yes it is a bit wordy but in this case the wordiness (is that a word?) totally works. I fully enjoyed the ride this one took me on. All of it from the flash backs to the flash forwards to the ending. Who ever wrote this... hats off you freaking rock!
This was like sitting down to a full course meal where everything you wanted was given to you.
_________________
Last edited by Hellolost on Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The writing styles are so very different for each of these stories I have read so far.
This was a sit in your chair all curled up and just relax while reading a story type story. I am not sure if that makes any sense but it makes sense to me. Kind of like a story your grandpa would tell you while he brushed your hair. I am not sure how to explain that better either lol.
It just had a comforting feel to it. (yes I get that this was a creepy story) but I am talking about the writing style. Like an old favorite author you buy automaticly. ( I never know if I spell that right) It worked for me and I enjoyed it.
I would have liked the night to be a bit longer but I guess with word count (how in the hell do you count words anyway?) it needed to be shortened. I just could have used a bit of "fear building" over the night.
All in all Loved it!
I am super scared I am going to run into a story I hate. Just so you guys know.
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
My Sister is yours Craig? Good job!
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
He Who Has Beautiful Eyes that Are a Blessing From God
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2008 9:51 am Posts: 3583 Location: Toronto
Thad and Craig, why do you guys think I wrote The Beach?
_________________ Mike Styczen: As far as I can tell, all of Toronto is on the lookout for some sort of demented leprechaun. If Toronto didn't exist, we'd have to invent it
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