...but I couldn't help laughing as I was reading it:

GWAR guitarist Cory Smoot found dead on tour bus
APAP – 13 hrs ago


MINNEAPOLIS (AP) — The lead guitarist for the heavy metal band GWAR has been found dead on their tour bus.

Manager Jack Flanagan and record label Metal Blade say Cory Smoot was found early Thursday before crossing into Canada following a show in Minneapolis.

It's unclear what caused Smoot's death or how old he was.

Smoot performed since 2002 under the name "Flattus Maximus" with the Richmond, Va.-based band known for its comically grotesque costumes, stage antics and vulgar lyrics.

Flanagan says there's no word yet on funeral arrangements or the rest of the tour.

Lead singer Dave Brockie, also known as "Oderus Urungus," says the band is just dealing the loss and called Smoot "one of the most talented guitar players in metal today."

Well, the fact that this guy's name is Smoot puts it over the top.

M.I.T. once invented a unit of measurement called a "Smoot" --based on the exact height of a freshman named something like Jimmy Smoot, and measured the bridge that connects MIT (which is in Cambridge) with Boston, in Smoots. Not that this has anything to do with the above story.

I wounder how tall I am in Smoots am I say 1.105 Smoots in height or am I a measly .87 Smoots.

I haven't been this upset since the lead singer of Snot died. (RIP Lynn Strait and Dobbs the Dog)

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You lick the hand that feeds you, And kiss the blade that cuts
I wanna fuck you in your god's hands when your praying bites the dust
Please Please Please

Reading: 11/22/63 by Stephen King
Playing: Many iOS Games